Life is.

Life is having someone as a role model and work towards that someone.
Life is listening to lecture after lecture, and improve on what you lack.
Life is moving on asap after a setback.
Life is doing what others think that is good and benefits you.
Life is work, slog, and work.
Life is smiling when you don't feel like.
Life is living it the way other people want you to.
Life is never yours.
Life is finishing your school, get a good and worthy piece of paper, and get a job with it.
Life is completing assignments after assignments; you can't fail.
Life is troubling over money, food, money and food.
Life is acting the way you ought to be acting, instead of what you ought to be.
That is life, but that is not the life i want.
I wanna fuck life upside down.
Yes, truly.

I realise that it is torturing to be alive.
How i wish there is a time where i can just sit back and get what i want without having to contribute something.
And i know that the wish will never be true.

You want others to do something for you, others expect you to be doing the same thing too. It's a hard core fact of reality.
Who will want to be the giver unconditionally?

It's Chinese New Year eve.
Reunion dinner.
Yes. Seeing what others are doing, see how everyone has their own responsibility, their own job and their own studies, and thoughts of how they work hard for it just flooded my mind. Yes yes! I know i shouldn't be thinking it this way, but this is me and this is what my brain sends to me at that point of time. Don't tell me to learn not to think in such a way. Serious speaking, I am really weary of learning. I am afraid of learning, cuz i may learn it the wrong way and yea, all goes to the drain in the end.

At least, i know that i am someone who doesn't avoid all these negative thoughts and i face them instead. I ain't cowards who try too hard not to have these kind of thinking.
And at least, i know that i will be able to walk out of it.
If you say I am dumb, I can assure you that those negative thoughts will make me stronger at the end of the day. Just that, it is not the end of the day yet.

Fine. I ain't making any sense i know.
Whatever it is.
Happy Chinese New Year.

Oh well, I wish that at the end of this year, I'll be having at least 5k in my account.
Hah.

Hotcake has moved on.
21 January 2009, 01:15.

Have fun playing with Pancake and Brownie, my dear.
Not forgetting the super fierce fish. =)

Looking back at the past is never good, but it can't be that bad either.
I had this blog since Sept 2005, and that was when i was preparing for my o lvls.
It has been 3 years, and things changed.

I din't note everything down recently.
Cuz my LIFE changed. A major change that I have no idea how i am suppose to pen it down in words.
C'mon. It's a great major change; to the extent that I can't recognise myself anymore, and to the extent that I am so unsure of my future now.

I'm out of DMAT now.
Yes, I quit DMAT.
QUIT, when I am foolishly in Year 3.
Now, I am school-less, course-less, and future-less.
Don't come telling me that I am dumb or what.
I summon all my courage to do that alright.

So now, tell me what should i do?
Maybe MIS. I'm thinking about MIS.
MDIS is too strict, and SIM is too ex. Needless to say, overseas is worse.

I don't know.

Someone, talk to me please.

Things change.
But only my blog and my email doesn't change!
Haha.

Funny.

Btw, Hotcake is dying. She is terribly sick.
And i think she can't make it through CNY.
Poor her.